.happy.birthday.mama.

Mama would've been 62 today.  I found myself wondering if she would be celebrating her birthday in Heaven today.  Do you have birthdays in Heaven?  Or, do you celebrate the day you entered into Heaven?  Sort of like a re-birthday??  My mind wondered like this all day long.  My birthday is November 5th.  This is a day I am soooo dreading!!  Not only will I be turning 29....TWENTY NINE!!!  My last year as a 20 something!!!  Holy Crap!!  Can I please freeze time now?  Actually, I would've like to frozen time last year...then, mama would still be here and all would be right with the world.  

Not only am I turning the big 2.9., but it'll be extra hard as I will celebrate it for the first time without a mother.  Mama always made a big deal about birthdays.  When you think about it, it's more of a day for the mother than for the child.  Sure, I was brought into this world on that day, but she was the one who brought me into the world...she was the one who remembers the day, not me.  Oh well, I've been thinking of totally skipping the day all together, but doesn't look like that can happen.  

I'll be glad when it's November 6th.

.hard.week.

Lisa and I have had somewhat of a hard week - we each have had our "breakdowns" for one reason of another.  The scriptures below have helped me cope a little better.  

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."- Psalm 34:18

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."- Ecclesiastes 3:1

Also, the pic below is my new fav.  I love it for it's candidness and what it means - a family united together in tragedy.  This was taken of my family the afternoon after my mama's service. Pictured are my Grandma (mama's mom), my dad, aunt (mama's sister), cousins, puppies, me and Lisa.  To me, this picture is a reminder that life goes on and although our mama is not "physically" with us, we still have a wonderful family to lean on.  

.thinking.of.mama.

What a day tomorrow will be! Tomorrow, October 14^th, will be a very bittersweet day.  Two years ago that day, I married the love of my life, Bo.  Also, two years ago on that very same special day, my precious pup-a-girl, Maggie, was born.  That was such an amazing time in my life.  Life seemed so perfect!  I was starting a new chapter in my life with the one I loved.  I didn’t realize it then how much my life would soon be changing and how Bo would truly become a rock for me during the hardest time of my life. . .

Also, it was just a month ago tomorrow, that my Mama went to Heaven.  I am so incredibly thankful that my mama got to be with me on that very special day two years ago and that she was able to know and love my precious Maggie.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of special times I shared with mama.  All the planning of the wedding and helping me take care of my first puppy.  I am so glad she knew my husband and she loved him like her own son.  I thank God that I was able to have her here with me for the short time that I did.  I've got so many memories to last the rest of my life and to pass on to my future children.  Although there are so many more reasons I need her here with me, I am so blessed she wasn’t taken any sooner! 

Time has really flown by since the day I got married.  I can’t believe I have now been married for 2 years!  However, it seems as though it has been longer than a month since Mama went to Heaven b/c the days seem to drag on now that she is not here with me.  Throughout my day I think to myself.... I need to call mama and tell her "this."  I miss her so much every day! 

Also coming up this weekend, Saturday, October 18^th is my 27^th birthday and dad’s 65^th birthday!  What a week this will be!  I will be so very sad to not hear Mama’s “Happy Birthday” wishes and hear her usual saying of….. “27 years ago today.. .”  Then, next Thursday, October 23^rd will be even harder – Mom’s 62^nd birthday.  

I will cherish the following picture forever. . . 

.new.props.

Just playing around with two new props (chairs) we bought....my girls are the official prop testers.  

.He.gives.and.takes.away.

Ethan Bradley is the brand new son of one of my dear friends, Lesha. Along with our close friend, Leah, I had the awesome privilege of being there with Lesha throughout her pregnancy - even from the day she first took a test! I was so excited for her... Leah, Lesha, and I talked about having babies all the time...you know, just dreaming (or worrying) together.

The first person I called after she told me the news was who else...my mom. Leah and I followed all the details of Lesha's pregnancy...doctor's appointments, sonograms, picking out nursery stuff, etc., etc. We were just so excited for her and loved hearing about what we might be in store for one day....God willing. =) We would talk and talk about baby Ethan. I would also relay the info to my mom because she just loved hearing about anything to do with my life or my friends. Plus, I'd ask her random pregnancy and baby questions just because we would be on the subject.

On September 14th, Leah discovered she was also pregnant. On September 15th, Ethan Bradley Wheat was born at around 4 am. Seven hours prior to his birth (on September 14th), my mama was taken to Heaven.

It is a little surreal to see the Lord's scripture in such an in your face sort of way. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord!" - Job 1:21

In reading this scripture again tonight, I realize that maybe I've been interpreting it wrong. Why would He take away my mama? It just doesn't make sense. I need her. I want her here for me and my future babies. Why should I say "Blessed be the name of the Lord" when He took her from me?

Then, I realized....the scripture probably means He has taken away our fear, our sin, our sadness, our sickness, our weakness...you get the idea. He has taken her away to be with Him in a world where there is no sadness or sickness. Plus, he is helping to take away (or at least deal with) my unbearable pain. He is helping my family mourn in a peaceful and healthy way. I feel like He has GIVEN me a weird sense of peace and strength that I cannot explain. So, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

Deep...yes, I know. SO, to lighten things up, here are a few pics of Ethan Bradley!